Panic attacks & anxiety.

Last evening I was watching a random video which talked about panic attacks & anxiety on Youtube and I thought of writing down my personal experience on this issue. Maybe there are people out there who are suffering and others could support them or others who don't know whether they are because it happens not to know what you are going through.

I am not really sure how to explain it but anxiety is that feeling inside you that cannot be controlled no matter what. Each one of us have it inside us all the time. For example ''omg I have to return that important school assignment tomorrow'' or ''I have to go to that job interview else I won't be able to pay my flat's rent''. Once you start stressing out, you start getting that feeling and start heating up. It's quite hard for those who are not calm and very sure of themselves. I do want to reach that stage of not feeling so anxious.

At times I get high or low anxiety levels, it all depends with the situations. It was worse before but now I can cope with it. It used to affect everything that I did from the way I eat to my most important decisions in life. Getting out of the house was so difficult for me because I feared of getting panic attacks in public places like in the metro, in the restaurant or even at school. I can't breathe then or even express that I actually want. I did miss so many good things in my life during the 2 years when I was going through that.

Moreover I know I am not the only person who went that and there are thousand of people out there who face that. It makes you feel so nauseous, your hands and feet go all numb, words just don't come out of your mouth, wanting to cry endlessly, scared for nothing or sweating even if it isn't hot. Maybe it was just my brain playing with me like it always does. There are certain things that your brain stores and it gets into your subconscious then when you are in a situation, it's like a deja vu and the panic attack starts.

For instance whenever I get into the plane, I start wondering if it will crash before it even starts moving and I start sweating and start feeling sick for some minutes then that feeling fades away. Also I am prone to accidents so the day I got knocked down by a car, I was crying like a baby and those images were always on my mind so when I have to cross the road, my palms start getting cold and I can't move my legs quickly and I want to start fanning myself. It may sound funny but that is how things are.

Furthermore if you leave me with a total stranger, I start feeling out of the place and not talk at all as it is awkward especially if the person is not talking at all. I start looking here and there and try to avoid his or her gaze because I start flushing all red and I can't help it. Having the adrenaline rush and not knowing that your brain wants is very bad as I can't brain what is going around me and I start panicking for no reason.

I even end up saying yes or no because I am scared of the person's reaction. For example ''do you want to eat?'' ''well no I am not hungry, you carry on''. Or ''can you do my homework please?'' ''oh sure, give me five minutes to finish my burger and I will do it for you''. I don't even know whether I want to do the thing or not. It happened to me everywhere I could possibly be. I did want things to be different but I have some nice experiences and learnt that I can do better than I thought.

Each of us have a mental disease so let's be helpful and nicer to each other and we are not totally sane so I would like to tell you not to judge the handicaps or those who can't do things like you. If you want to get over your panic attacks, think this way ''this won't kill me so let me try for once or I have the capacity to do it''.