It's been years that I have been trying to figure out how can people be constantly talking to others with ease all the time? It's definitely an art that I haven't mastered until now. It's either I talk less or a lot to new people, acquaintances or even my close friends. There has to be something that I haven't discovered in my 20 years of surviving in this life where I can hear words all the time but I indulge more into thoughts than words.
On the other side, I can go to different places and get along with some new people like I have met them for years and be comfortable because there is the common ground but at times I will land to a place where I can be there among people but they won't even notice that I am around because I won't even mutter a word. It's because either I don't feel connected or I just observe how others are around me. It's in my nature, I guess that people are surprised when they see me not talking at all then talking a lot later on.
I was told during my childhood, I was the loud and bubbly kid ever because I was the only kid of my parents back then then my brother came along and it was the happiest day of my life when I held him in my arms as my mother still talks about it until now, how I wasn't being mischievous at all and smiling at the little baby and calling everybody to look at the little creature that I was intrigued by. Ever since I knew that he was not like other brothers, I came to learn that he is autistic, I became quiet for a long while because he was my baby too.
That made me quiet and then loud, it's time that made me start talking again but then I became selective with the people that I talk to and I was okay with it. I am a shy and reserved person that get remarks all the time, ''you are so rude'', ''god, so arrogant'', but the actual thing is that I take time to open up to others and it will be like that all the time. I can't even stick to a conversation at times or just smile to pretend that I am having an interest in what you are saying when it's the contrary. I can't even talk to a wall if I get all quiet and moody.
The long road of getting this art of talking helped me when I changed schools and moved countries, I learnt that it's not bad to be speaking to new people. I have eventually found people that I can relate to or talk to. All I needed to do was find that common ground where I could stay friends with those people that I talk to, for a long time. I tend to get detached or attached because my mind keeps on thinking and simply don't stop as over-thinking is my middle name. I think a lot and talk less of what is on my mind as words are precious to me.
Being known as the quiet person to people and the talkative or crazy person among my close friends or group of friends where they go like ''can't you shut up for a while?'' is all good with me as I need to get used to you to be talking for hours or just be quiet when things aren't going well or I am angry at you. I still can't explain things or defend myself as I am not good at it so I just give the silent treatment as it helps me to sort out where I went wrong or where you went wrong, at times it's bad because I should talk when things go wrong but I don't.
Some days ago, I came across this quote, ''if somebody doesn't understand your silence, it means that he hasn't understood your words'' so I figured out who are the ones, who actually understood who I am, in fact. I will always be noticing you from afar before approaching you and it's always fun in a way to be revealing myself slowly by slowly as I do not like rushing things at all as things could get ruined then. I won't deny that I tried fitting in what others do but I eventually got the point that I am losing myself and stopped right there.
To get along with who I am, I took time as I used to think that I am not good enough as why can't I be like that girl who is all lively but I realized that I invest myself in people who are worth it at the end of the day. I am completely different from my father or mother who can even speak to the Prime minister and I can't speak for long to you if I don't know you.
On the other side, I can go to different places and get along with some new people like I have met them for years and be comfortable because there is the common ground but at times I will land to a place where I can be there among people but they won't even notice that I am around because I won't even mutter a word. It's because either I don't feel connected or I just observe how others are around me. It's in my nature, I guess that people are surprised when they see me not talking at all then talking a lot later on.
I was told during my childhood, I was the loud and bubbly kid ever because I was the only kid of my parents back then then my brother came along and it was the happiest day of my life when I held him in my arms as my mother still talks about it until now, how I wasn't being mischievous at all and smiling at the little baby and calling everybody to look at the little creature that I was intrigued by. Ever since I knew that he was not like other brothers, I came to learn that he is autistic, I became quiet for a long while because he was my baby too.
That made me quiet and then loud, it's time that made me start talking again but then I became selective with the people that I talk to and I was okay with it. I am a shy and reserved person that get remarks all the time, ''you are so rude'', ''god, so arrogant'', but the actual thing is that I take time to open up to others and it will be like that all the time. I can't even stick to a conversation at times or just smile to pretend that I am having an interest in what you are saying when it's the contrary. I can't even talk to a wall if I get all quiet and moody.
The long road of getting this art of talking helped me when I changed schools and moved countries, I learnt that it's not bad to be speaking to new people. I have eventually found people that I can relate to or talk to. All I needed to do was find that common ground where I could stay friends with those people that I talk to, for a long time. I tend to get detached or attached because my mind keeps on thinking and simply don't stop as over-thinking is my middle name. I think a lot and talk less of what is on my mind as words are precious to me.
Being known as the quiet person to people and the talkative or crazy person among my close friends or group of friends where they go like ''can't you shut up for a while?'' is all good with me as I need to get used to you to be talking for hours or just be quiet when things aren't going well or I am angry at you. I still can't explain things or defend myself as I am not good at it so I just give the silent treatment as it helps me to sort out where I went wrong or where you went wrong, at times it's bad because I should talk when things go wrong but I don't.
Some days ago, I came across this quote, ''if somebody doesn't understand your silence, it means that he hasn't understood your words'' so I figured out who are the ones, who actually understood who I am, in fact. I will always be noticing you from afar before approaching you and it's always fun in a way to be revealing myself slowly by slowly as I do not like rushing things at all as things could get ruined then. I won't deny that I tried fitting in what others do but I eventually got the point that I am losing myself and stopped right there.
To get along with who I am, I took time as I used to think that I am not good enough as why can't I be like that girl who is all lively but I realized that I invest myself in people who are worth it at the end of the day. I am completely different from my father or mother who can even speak to the Prime minister and I can't speak for long to you if I don't know you.
Salaam, Masha'Allah I just read through some of your posts and love your writing. This is definitely one that I can relate to, couldn't put it in better words myself! 😊
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