I just want to say 'but I am just nineteen' to every single person who says that you are getting old in some months and you have to do better with your skills. I don't know if I will see another tomorrow but I know in my mind that I will make the most of today. Pushing myself is already hard so why push me even further?
It's hard to think about the future now then I am stuck in the present, thinking about what to fix and what to do. I have learnt how to think by my own compared to some years ago. Others used to tell me what to think and I used to nod and agree. Things have changed ever since I started knowing what is right and what is wrong for me. Thinking is a process that has to be done by myself and I do not have to depend on others for that.
Knowing how to get my words out to people is what I always learnt and encouraged others to do. We all have words that are hidden inside ourselves that we have to share with others through any means, either it is via writing, drawing, speaking, making short videos, painting or whatever makes you comfortable. It is only your words that makes you different from others and being yourself is the best way is know who you are exactly.
Following my dreams is what I kept on doing more while being nineteen because it helped me more in the way of being courageous and confident. I always tell people to dream big as it is what will help you to achieve what you want to and nobody can stop you then. You are the one who can build and destroy what you actually have, doubting yourself is the worst thing that you can do. And I also worked for my dreams else they won't be true.
Growing as a person made me what I am right now, being nineteen isn't easy, I am telling you that. Everybody says that it isn't easy to be fifteen or sixteen but every age can be hard. Growing as a woman isn't easy because too many emotions come along at the same time and responsibilities increase day by day. It's a process from being a girl to a woman that aches my heart because at times, I want to be a girl and sometimes I want to be a woman.
Smiling is what I did more because I used to think that my smile is so weird and ugly. And I used to frown all the time whenever I am around people or whenever somebody took my picture. It was a miracle for others to see me start smiling for nothing or for a simple thing that happened. I was known as the grumpy person because that was what defined me. It changed my way of seeing things, even seeing my face glowing with the smile that I hated.
Trusting my decisions is also what I did with time as I used to think that I am not good enough with what I do but I did so with a bit of stamina that was left in my fragile body. I do not consider my body fragile anymore because it gets stronger with every decision that I take whether it is a good or bad decision. I learn from every decision that I take and I do not have anybody to blame but myself at the end of the day.
Speaking more about my fears is what I did because I do not hold grudges with myself. I let others know that I am scared while watching horror films, I am scared of cockroaches, I am scared of blowing up the kitchen while cooking, I am scared of every new change, I am scared of myself while I think at 2 a.m, I am scared of life, I am scared of being snatched of my imagination, I am scared, yes I am, I used to pretend that I was not scared of anything.
Making people laugh with my lame jokes is what I did more without caring and people laughed loud. I don't know if they laughed at my jokes or my laugh but they laughed. That was my purpose and it was successful. I got even happier throughout this. Those people were so worried and the minute they hear my jokes, they laugh and get lost in another world. I even laugh alongside with them and forget what made me so worried a minute ago as well.
But I am just nineteen, learning how to cope with this world which is preparing itself to push me up and down whenever I do anything but I will not give up because I am learning until I go to my grave where I will stop learning.
It's hard to think about the future now then I am stuck in the present, thinking about what to fix and what to do. I have learnt how to think by my own compared to some years ago. Others used to tell me what to think and I used to nod and agree. Things have changed ever since I started knowing what is right and what is wrong for me. Thinking is a process that has to be done by myself and I do not have to depend on others for that.
Knowing how to get my words out to people is what I always learnt and encouraged others to do. We all have words that are hidden inside ourselves that we have to share with others through any means, either it is via writing, drawing, speaking, making short videos, painting or whatever makes you comfortable. It is only your words that makes you different from others and being yourself is the best way is know who you are exactly.
Following my dreams is what I kept on doing more while being nineteen because it helped me more in the way of being courageous and confident. I always tell people to dream big as it is what will help you to achieve what you want to and nobody can stop you then. You are the one who can build and destroy what you actually have, doubting yourself is the worst thing that you can do. And I also worked for my dreams else they won't be true.
Growing as a person made me what I am right now, being nineteen isn't easy, I am telling you that. Everybody says that it isn't easy to be fifteen or sixteen but every age can be hard. Growing as a woman isn't easy because too many emotions come along at the same time and responsibilities increase day by day. It's a process from being a girl to a woman that aches my heart because at times, I want to be a girl and sometimes I want to be a woman.
Smiling is what I did more because I used to think that my smile is so weird and ugly. And I used to frown all the time whenever I am around people or whenever somebody took my picture. It was a miracle for others to see me start smiling for nothing or for a simple thing that happened. I was known as the grumpy person because that was what defined me. It changed my way of seeing things, even seeing my face glowing with the smile that I hated.
Trusting my decisions is also what I did with time as I used to think that I am not good enough with what I do but I did so with a bit of stamina that was left in my fragile body. I do not consider my body fragile anymore because it gets stronger with every decision that I take whether it is a good or bad decision. I learn from every decision that I take and I do not have anybody to blame but myself at the end of the day.
Speaking more about my fears is what I did because I do not hold grudges with myself. I let others know that I am scared while watching horror films, I am scared of cockroaches, I am scared of blowing up the kitchen while cooking, I am scared of every new change, I am scared of myself while I think at 2 a.m, I am scared of life, I am scared of being snatched of my imagination, I am scared, yes I am, I used to pretend that I was not scared of anything.
Making people laugh with my lame jokes is what I did more without caring and people laughed loud. I don't know if they laughed at my jokes or my laugh but they laughed. That was my purpose and it was successful. I got even happier throughout this. Those people were so worried and the minute they hear my jokes, they laugh and get lost in another world. I even laugh alongside with them and forget what made me so worried a minute ago as well.
But I am just nineteen, learning how to cope with this world which is preparing itself to push me up and down whenever I do anything but I will not give up because I am learning until I go to my grave where I will stop learning.
You're such a beautiful person ! Keep it up <3
ReplyDeleteYou're such a beautiful person ! Keep it up <3
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, my lovely Shahana! <3
ReplyDelete